Imagining Death

As sudden and gut-wrenching as losing my mom was, I swear this imagining death helped prepare me more than anything else. It’s a little strange, but bear with me.

Before I’d ever heard of stoicism, Taoism, or any philosophy or culture that grapples with mortality, I had a thought that would drift through my mind uninvited: What if she dies?

I’d think it after a lazy goodbye. I’d think it randomly at work, at school, in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday. And I’d let it settle into a quiet meditation as a way of sitting with the reality that one day, we all lose our parents. And over time, it helped me come to terms with an inevitable loss before I had any idea when it would come.

More than that, it changed how I acted. After a careless goodbye, I’d turn around and make it a real one filled with love. I’d text her midday just to say I was proud of her. I’d think through everything I’d want her to know while I still had the chance to say it.

Of course, she’ll miss out on most of my life. But she knew, without question, how deeply my sister and I adored her. She knew we thought she was an incredible mother to us. It pushed me to be better to her because I knew I had limited time with her.

All of it, because of a simple thought exercise: imagining loss before it arrives.

So try it. Imagine the death of someone you love. What would you want them to know? What would you want them to have felt from you? How would you act differently?